Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
