The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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