I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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