Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
love makes seman taste better
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
