im six kinds of drunk right now
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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