i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
