I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
