1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
