I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
