No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
