I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
