i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
