I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
