It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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