okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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