everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
