So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
