my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
