We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
