38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
