why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
