So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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