Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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