I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
