were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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