And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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