your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
