nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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