i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
