why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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