We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
