I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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