someone threw a dead crab at me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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