I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
