You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
third nipple confirmed
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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