Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish I could teleport
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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