Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
