The maid of honor just puked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
