not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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