I'm gonna have a badass scar
she looked like the before picture.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
