Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He passed out mid-signature
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
