I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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