What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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