cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
