You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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