I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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