WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
