How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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