well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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