I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
