If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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